- Hiding and Seeking
- Invisible Thresholds of A Home
- Yan Wenjiang
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Settled into the mountain for eternity
- Commission
Information
CV
Every time I visit my grandmother, she repeats to me some of the spiritual experiences she has had. It has always as if she wants to find an answer about these experiences after telling them to me, even though it doesn’t seem deliberate.
Through her constant retelling, these stories and beliefs have gradually become a part of how I perceive and understand the world. Even a lot of times, when I visit temples and meet with priests and masters, I share her experiences with them. hoping to uncover the answers my grandmother seeks. The search for answers and storytelling are not limited to what my grandmother tells me; they have became a part of me as well. Now, as I blend the scenes she describes in her narratives, her descriptions, my own experiences, and my cognition, I employ my accustomed method of thinking through imagery, searching for insights. This process allows me to reimagine the potential experiences my grandmother held in my heart.
Presented in the form of a photobook, I leverage the inherent visual communication attributes of this format, the intimacy of audience viewing, and the continuity of image-to-image relationships facilitated by picture editing. For instance, when the healer and the visitor establish a connection through en- ergy-transmitting hand gestures. In the book, I use the same gestures, directing the side facing the ‘visitor’ towards the audience. This project includes images I have created alongside transcriptions of recordings in which my grandmother recount- ing her experiences. Through this project, I invite the viewer to join me in the search for answers to these spiritual questions, and to explore these experiences through the medium of pho- tography. These spiritual experiences and the feelings brought by spiritual experiences continue to be transmitted by the me- dium of photography books, and questions the audience again.
Three of the stories my grandmother told
During the Cultural Revolution in China, the Red Guard movement smashed statues of gods in temples. They cleared away the fragments of statue sculptures. After that, the temples were used for other purposes. Our school was also moved to the temple at that time. The school teaches in Taoist temples that have been cleaned up. I remember one day, after all the students had left. I was on duty with a teacher. But I don't feel good. There seems to be something wrong with my body. I quickly asked for leave and went home.
I felt that I was very heavy, and I couldn't walk on the road. Someone happened to visit your grandpa and helped me go home. When I got home, I lay in bed feeling like I wasn't human anymore. I felt like I was shrinking until I was as small as a walnut. The whole person is like a small walnut. I can't say what it feels like, but it's uncomfortable and different. I even thought I was going to die that night.
At dawn,
I suddenly feel better.
It's as if nothing happened.
When we were young, we had many ceremonies every year. During the temple fair, we would invite the Taoist goddess Yanwenjiang to our temple. She will also be invited to the West House at home.
You remember when you were young, the house on the west side of the one-story house in our hometown was what I reserved for Yanwenjiang. Every year during the temple fair, I spread bedding for her on the bed, prepare food for her, and send her away after the temple fair is over. I remember when you were three years old, we had a temple fair here. On that day, I participated in Yanwenjiang's worship ceremony in the temple. I remember you said to me: "Grandma, the old grandma who came with you today is so beautiful". Because I came back by myself, I knew something was up.
I ask you where she is now. You said she went to the West House (our family's abbreviation for the house on the west side).
Five days after your grandpa died, I remember when I just came out of the temple. All of a sudden I saw him floating there. I don't even know how to describe it. He's in that corner. I remember half of his body becoming a bit like fog and smoke. But I can still recognize him. Just like he used to be.
He called me by my name. I was stunned. I don't even know what to call him. I asked him using ‘you’ as a personal pronoun, "Are you back?" He said a few words to me. I don't really remember the details. I said yes anyway and he told me he was leaving now. Then he just disappeared. "Now that I think about it, I'm actually kind of scared. Why wasn't I scared then?
_________
¹ Note that starting here the pronoun will be used interchangeably between the first person’s point of view and the second person’s point of view. It isn’t designed to trick the audience but rather serves as a sincere way to articulate the bizarre and unfixed relationship between among reality, dream, and sign.